How much does it really cost to have kids? In “Million Dollar Babies?” Clifton and Shay kick off with screaming babies on planes, red-eye flights during the holidays, and that one cousin’s toddler who never stops sticky-handing everything in sight. Then Clifton drops the math bomb: between national averages, San Diego cost of living, and college, raising a single kid in Southern California can creep up toward a cool million dollars over 18+ years.

From there, the conversation gets real. Shay admits she’d be “hell no” devastated to see a positive pregnancy test, because she genuinely loves her life as it is—selfish, free, and gloriously quiet. Clifton reflects on a past terminated pregnancy, his shifting feelings over time, and why approaching 50 has only lowered his interest in having children.

They also dig into regret, education, and societal pressure—from grandparents begging for babies to governments and religions that thrive on more people in the pews and on the tax rolls.

Is choosing not to have kids selfish… or actually responsible? Clifton and Shay argue that knowing you don’t want to parent is its own kind of love—for yourself, your potential kids, and a very crowded planet.

Spoiler: “Fuck them kids… we love them, we just don’t want our own.”